conference thoughts: part 1

There was more that I got out of our weekend at the homeschool conference than just seeing George Bush in his underwear, just in case you were wondering. There was a ton, in fact, but difficult for me to condense into one blog post. So I’ll start with this for now.

The very first session on Friday night was worth the price of admission for me. I just sat with Matt and cried afterwards. Mark Hamby of Lamplighter Ministries gave a message entitled “bring them up, don’t crush them down” and it nailed me. It was more about parenting in general than it was specific to homeschooling, with much reference to the “difficult child” that you secretly think might have been sent to the wrong family… :) Levi really is a great kid whom I adore, but he is also the child who most often brings me to my breaking point, who most often humbles me, and who can bring out the ugliest in me. (though at the moment Sawyer is competing at a close second!) Mark was talking about his own experience with his difficult son, and how for many years the way he thought best to deal with him was to “crush him” with harsh discipline and demands of obedience, like he was going to do everything in his power to get this kid to perform the way he thought he should. I could really see myself in what he was saying, and it broke my heart. He even drove his son to run away at one point. Yet God has restored their relationship and has worked in both of their hearts and lives in remarkable ways. Within what Mark shared that night, as well as in the following day, are several points that I hope to expand on in another post.

I had a lightbulb moment as I was praying for Levi the other night. (He was already asleep, which probably helped :) ) As I was thanking God for him, God dropped this thought into my mind (and I paraphrase) “Being a family is about more than just raising your children, pursuing your own happiness and sharing life and love together. Each of your children have also been given to you to mold and shape you into more of who I desire you to be. Sometimes that molding and shaping is a painful and messy process, but don’t try to avoid it or make it go away. It is my hands at work in your life.” Oh God, let me embrace whatever means you choose to mold me into who you have created/are creating me to be.

I also read this this past week in a small book by Fenelon, who was an archbishop and spiritual advisor from the 17th century: “I am amazed at the power that comes to us through suffering... Of course, I tremble and agonize while it lasts, and all my words about the beneficial effects of suffering vanish under the torture. But when it is all over, I look back on the experience with deep appreciation, and am ashamed that I bore it with so much bitterness. I am learning a great deal from my own foolishness!”