living from the inside out

for being as small as it is, "Let Your Life Speak" (by Parker J. Palmer) has spoken volumes to me this past month. it has seriously been some kind of breakthrough for me. he speaks a lot on living an authentic, whole life--one which is true to self, not contrived. allow me to highlight a few of the quotes that i have since been pondering:

"As noble as it may sound, we do not find our callings by conforming ourselves to some abstract moral code. We find our callings by claiming authentic selfhood, by being who we are, by dwelling in the world as [me] rather than straining to be [someone else]... As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks -- we will also find our path of authentic service to the world." pg 15,16

authenticy. this is what i desire. and it is often the hardships of life moreso than the pleasurable times, the experience of our limits often moreso than the pursuit of our potentials, that truly strip us down and bring us to the place where our true self can emerge. the book talks a lot about this. it was so refreshing and encouraging to hear someone say these things the way he does so eloquently--i think christians (including myself) are not always too good at being really real about the crappy parts of life. i'm just so ready to hear someone say it like it is, and Palmer is able to do so in a way that not only validates those experiences but also points them out as a necessary part of the whole.

i am also growing more and more keenly aware of how my being an authentic person is key in raising up my children. so much of parenting is modeling and discipling, and i cannot give them something which i do not possess:

"When I give something I do not possess, I give a false and dangerous gift, a gift that looks like love but is, in reality, loveless -- a gift given more from my need to prove myself than from the other's need to be cared for." pg 48

and here is another quote that really spoke to me personally, helping to bring clarity in some areas of my life:

"I had been driven more by the 'oughts'... than by a sense of true self. Lacking insight into my own limits and potentials, I had allowed ego and ethics to lead me into a situation that my soul could not abide." pg 22

just a few snippets. i would highly recommend this book, especially if you find yourself in a difficult season of life. i am on to another of his. :)

cute & corny

i'm not a big fan of standing in the kitchen all afternoon like i did today, but these little gems that i decided to make helped finish off my day with a smile -- i saw them at bettycrocker.com and thought they looked too irresistibly cute and festive not to try! the recipe is really not all that hard, either. it also makes a ton, so what a great way to brighten someone's day this time of year!

my 5 year old makes me think

a couple different times now, miriam has brought up an interesting perspective when i have pulled out the old parental ploy of trying to convince your kids to be thankful for what they have when compared with so many other children in the world. this frustrates her, and she responds something like, "you mean, you want me to be THANKFUL that all those other kids don't have these things??"

she's got a point. and her words present me with the challenge to yes, be thankful for what we have, but to go beyond that, putting my faith and my blessings into action through compassion and generousity. what are some ways to make this real for us middle-class americans who live among so much affluence?

interesting (or not) tidbits

i have not been writing much lately, not for lack of things to write about, but because i have so many thoughts running through my head that i don't know where to begin! so for now i will recount some of the more eventful and measurable dietsche happenings from the past couple of weeks...

-miriam learned to tie her shoes last week! this was one of those daunting parental responsibilities to me for some reason--"how am i ever going to teach that?"--but i can now lay those fears to rest because somehow she's doing it and i don't even remember teaching her. i think matt showed her once or twice.

-similarly, today after lunch, she starts marching around the living room singing by twos up to 120. don't remember teaching her that, either. she then tried counting by threes but only got up to 9. then she figured out counting by fives, and got up to about 105. i think she's got her daddy's head for numbers. she is also really taking off with her reading and writing.

-levi is really making strides in his behavior... and just at the point when i was ready to toss him in preschool just to get a break from the constant discipline issues. we have had several people comment to us on how well-behaved he has been lately in different situations, which has been SO encouraging. we are really getting somewhere!

-sawyer has learned to wave and give high-fives.

-this past weekend we travelled to chicago for a rousing weekend of pumpkin hunting, pony riding, pumpkin carving, and of course, shopping! it's always hard to resist paying IKEA a visit while we are down there. i am pleased to report that i was finally able to purchase the chandelier for our dining area that i have been eyeing for the past two years! it is a lovely replacement to the bare lightbulb that previously graced our kitchen ceiling.

-i am so proud of myself for reading a 370 page book ("House")--for FUN! i don't know how long it's been since i have read a book for pure enjoyment instead of with the intention of learning something from it. the funny thing is, many times a meaningful story can speak to my heart just as much as, if not more than, non-fiction.

-matt is ranked first place in his fantasy football league for the third year in a row. i keep telling him he should start putting money on it--we could be rich by now. :)

God and curious george

this morning i asked the kids who we should pray for. levi wanted to pray for curious george and the man with the yellow hat.

illuminating my darkness

(thanks to my friend, who loaned me the book that has inspired this post.)

without going into a lot of detail, i have struggled for the past several years, on and off, with depression--whether diagnosed as such or not. along with that goes a poor self-image and even feelings of self-hatred at times, partly due to my seeming inability to break free from feeling down so much of the time.

i have been reading a book today that has put voice to things so relevant to these feelings i have struggled with for so long, in ways that i have never heard before. i found the author's words thought-provoking, speaking understanding and hope deep into my soul, helping to make sense of things that i had almost resigned myself to never make sense of. here is just a piece of what spoke to me today.

"Depression demands that we reject simplistic answers, both "religious" and "scientific", and learn to embrace mystery, something our culture resists. Mystery surrounds every deep experience of the human heart; the deeper we go into the heart's darkness or its light, the closer we get to the ultimate mystery of God. But our culture wants to turn mysteries into puzzles to be explained or problems to be solved, because maintaining the illusion that we can "straighten things out" makes us feel powerful. Yet mysteries never yield to solutions or fixes--and when we pretend that they do, life becomes not only more banal but also more hopeless, because the fixes never work.

Embracing the mystery of depression does not mean passivity or resignation. It means moving into a field of forces that seems alien but is in fact one's deepest self. It means waiting, watching, listening, suffering, and gathering whatever self-knowledge one can--and then making choices based on that knowledge, no matter how difficult. One begins the slow walk back to health by choosing each day things that enliven one's selfhood and resisting things that do not."

-Parker J. Palmer, "Let Your Life Speak"

i was also intrigued later as the author described how he came to view his depression not as an attack from the enemy, but more as a gift from a friend, because of how it really grounded him and showed him things about himself and his life (which i won't go into now). i think this really spoke to me because so often we tend to view our weaknesses or hardships as things to overcome or be delivered from, instead of just being willing to embrace and walk through them.

the miniature earth

i don't know about you, but i find that it is so easy for my mind to start wishing for a bigger house, nicer things, or a fatter checking account. take these next couple of minutes to confront yourself with the global reality, and (like me) you might be surprised how quickly it changes your perspective.

click on this picture to watch and listen to a couple minute video.

new pup on the block

this is our new neighbor, bailey. is he not one of the cutest little puppies you have ever seen?? miriam and levi don't have many neighbor-kids to play with, but they have befriended several neighbor-dogs! miriam would love nothing more than to have a puppy of her own, so at least the neighbor-dogs fill this void somewhat for now.