empty house & empty holes -- pt 1

i suddenly have a lot more time for thoughts to roll around in my head, now that my older two kids are gone to grandma & grandpa's for a few days! this is the second time we have been separated like this, and it always feels good and sad at the same time. it certainly is a lesson in letting go for me. it is so true that you "don't know what you got til it's gone" (cringing as i quote an 80's rock song, but it's a good line).

i have been taking this opportunity in part to clean the house up a bit more than usual. i often get so frustrated in day-to-day life trying to keep up with the housework and three kids at the same time. when i get a break like this, i remember how much easier it is to keep a tidy home when you don't have little hands coming along behind you undoing what you have just done! but i also realize how much i miss those little hands when they are not here.

it seems everywhere i go people are saying, "enjoy them while they're young... the time goes so fast... before you know it they'll be grown..." i am always so grateful for this reality check, because it is so easy to forget when i am in the midst of the baby who is overdue for a nap and a diaper change, the 3 year old having a tantrum, and the 5 year old whining because she's hungry. there are never-ending demands on my time and energy these days. and yet, even just looking back one year, i can see how much miriam and levi are growing up already. and time just keeps marching forward.

not only will they not stay little forever, but it is also so easy to forget that each day with them is a gift. nothing in this life is guaranteed. this is a lesson i learned from my brother, who left his life on this earth a few months into his 16th year. we re-lived similar feelings again after levi's birth when we thought we might lose him. i cannot even begin to try to describe with words the pain experienced throughout both of those ordeals, but one reason i am grateful for them is that it has become easier to see that though these children have been entrusted to me, they do not belong to me, and i do not know how long i have with them or what God may have in store. though i often still forget this, when i do remember, it makes it easier to trust that God is in control.

this leads me to another thought, which i will continue later...