lonely

it's actually been a pretty good week. i have felt fairly productive around the house and with the kids, and i have felt more emotionally stable in general lately -- must be my hormones are finally getting back to normal after spending the better part of the last two years pregnant or nursing. i've just been alone alot this past week (not counting my kids, of course), and today it's really starting to get to me. monday night matt had a meeting and i went to the mall alone with the kids. tuesday night i stayed home with sawyer while matt took miriam and levi to miriam's soccer practice. wednesday night i had to get groceries -- i hate grocery shopping -- so matt stayed home with the kids, and then when i got home he went back to work for the rest of the evening. tonight he's going back to work again for a few hours -- he's been swamped there lately. and my days have been pretty quiet this week, as well. i think the only real outing was going to Target with the kids and getting popcorn and a soda for $1. too bad i forgot to do two out of the four things i originally went there to do!

it's not that i lack people that i could go and hang out with or talk to, but sometimes the effort it takes to coordinate everything is just too daunting a thought. one good thing is that i have been feeling more at home lately with just being home. i struggled for a long time with being really restless. i still get bored at times, but usually i have the opposite problem with feeling that there is just so much to be done!

so why am i spending my time sending these thoughts out into the blogosphere when i could be calling up a friend to chat and not be so lonely? good question.