03 September 2006

jiminy crickets!

ok, so i am a MAJOR chicken when it comes to certain creepy, crawly things--really, anything that likes to hide from humans, like the ones that usually only come out at night. mice, bats, and cockroaches are at the top of my list...

...and now crickets join them.

it's kind of sad, really. i used to not mind crickets. i have always found the little chirpy sound they make at night soothing.... that is, until they started invading our house. that cute, cozy chirpy sound has been getting a little too close for comfort.

it all started last week when i heard that chirping coming from our front entry. this is understandable, however, since the trim and some of the baseboard around our front door is presently torn off because matt is working on it. we couldn't find it behind the shoes, so i figured it was just living in one of the cracks, and i was ok with that...

...until one night, just before bed, it met me in the middle of the living room floor. apparently he was out for an evening stroll. i think my screams scared him back home, though. seeing a rather large black bug in the middle of the floor was too much of a reminder of the australian cockroaches we used to meet up with on a regular basis.

anyway, i'm not sure if this guy relocated or just invited his friend, but next thing i know i am hearing the cute-turned-evil chirpy sound in my bathroom. and no, it was not outside the window. i sent matt to hunt it down one morning, and he found it behind our cabinet, but before he could capture it, it darted behind the pedestal sink where he couldn't get to it. "well, i'm going to be late for work--i can't deal with it right now," were his parting words. great! how am i supposed to use the bathroom knowing that thing is hiding in there?!

i didn't know where the flipping thing was (nor was i about to go after it alone), so i was learning to live with the occassional chirp, thinking i was conquering my fears. little did i know it was a cricket conspiracy--they are out to get me!!

this morning about did me in. i walked into our laundry room and a cricket FALLS FROM THE CEILING just centimeters in front of me! since when do crickets hang out on the ceiling?! i told you they are after me. you should have heard me scream this time. and then you should have heard matt laugh at me.

i'd had it. this cricket was not geting away this time. in australia we used to zap the cockroaches with this spray that would kill them, since they were too big to swat. the closest thing i saw this morning was my oximagic stain spray. i grabbed it and doused the thing, and just as i thought he was crawling off to die somewhere...

...he transformed into attack-cricket! he came out from where he has been hiding, first with little cricket steps, and then one giant cricket jump--right toward me! apparently my spray had made him delirious or something, but he about gave me a heart attack. i exited the scene as fast as possible (more screams) and sent matt in to try to kill him again (more laughs). and what he discovered was that this had been mr. cricket's final hurrah before his death. he disposed of him neatly (though not reverently).

sorry if you are a cricket-lover. don't worry--there's still plenty of them singing their choruses right outside. but let me assure any more crickets out there that may be reading this--don't step foot in my house again if you know what's good for you.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

val...that is hilarious! you do have bad luck when it comes to having unwanted visitors invade your space! you should let the oximagic people know that their product is good for more than getting out unwanted stains...it also works on unwanted crickets!

jen said...

Val, I had to read your post out loud to Kevin. We, too, have been suffering a cricket invasion. We had a few in the house last summer, but then they seemed to move out until only a couple weeks ago. First it was just the basement, which I can live with because it is dark and scary anyway. Then we got one under the oven in the kitchen. The bad thing about this is that he chirps all day and it about drives me nuts. We haven't gotten nuts enough to move the oven in order to kill him, though. The last straw was the one that chirped at me from behind Elinore's changing table...on the second floor!! How did he ever manage to get there in the first place!?! Kevin took care of it, but if this keeps up I'm calling an exterminator! Maybe I should borrow your oximagic stuff.

Anonymous said...

Val, There is something about the oily blackness and swift-footedness of crickets that is highly unnerving. They are nice from a great distance -- preferrably one that includes drywall, insulation and siding. Just wait until one of the kids wants a cricket-eating lizard for a pet and you have to purchase them at your local pet store by the dozens. I shudder at the thought.

Just last week, one of those creepy multi-legged, fuzzy crawly whatever-they-are's came straight at me in the kitchen. I nearly sacrificed my newly pregnant belly as I ungracefully lept onto the edge of the counter screaming something to the effect of, "Help, it has legs and it's coming to get me! It has lots of legs! HELP!" Scott was not amused when he, roused from a nap, entered the kitchen to find me not so much in mortal danger.

Bugs stink. Good luck!

P.S. I once killed a cockroach with hairspray. You may want to invest in some cement-strength Aqua Net. (;